Hi Cali,
I really relate to your story, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years.. Like you I always felt like he worshiped me and we had so many amazing future plans together. In January this year, I realised the full extent of his coke use, at this point we were no longer the loving couple we always had been, we were strangers living in the one house.
The only difference is that he realised then that he had a problem and went to AA and CA to get help. It was only after numerous attempts to stop and realise that he couldn’t I learned just how toxic coke addiction is. It turned this lovely honest man into a lying and manipulate monster. He recognises this, hates himself and still can’t stop. It’s came to rock bottom breaking point a few times at this stage but he’s been clean now about a month while he’s waiting on a place in rehab. He realises that if he doesn’t give it his all this time that he’s going to be homeless or in prison.
This has easily been the worst 7 months of my life.. It’s crazy to think that someone you know and love so well can now keep lying and hurting you. But Coke has this crazy evil power, it literally takes over their brain and they no longer can think for themselves.. It hurt so much that he knowingly gambled our relationship and future plans for a drug that he supposedly didn’t even enjoy anymore.
But after a lot of hard discussions and professional help for both me and him, I think we might come out the other side. He is due to get a place in a 12 week rehab next week and now I see he’s really trying to fight the demon. Although I’m trying to be careful not to be too optimistic as I know it can all come tumbling down again.
You really need to sit down and have a very frank discussion with your husband.. And as Ash said, if he doesn’t realise that he has a problem, he hasn’t got a hope and he will continue to hurt you even more. You need to look after yourself first and foremost. I’ve been seeing a family addiction counsellor, it’s helped me far more than I ever thought it would.
The one thing I say is at this point, don’t believe a word he says right now, the addiction forces them into being professional liars. I bought some drug tests from Amazon, otherwise I would have a clue that he was still using coke the most of the time. I’m still drug testing him every few days. Trust has gone out the window long ago.