Hi Cali
So sorry to read your post. I too have been in your shoes and resonate with everything you say. The reply from Ash is spot on – unfortunately until he is willing to do something about the problem and get help to stop, nothing will change and will only get worse. Ash’s comment about him pushing you away to justify his behaviour also rings true and also having the ability to ‘function’ – even though they’re not really functioning because all relationships around them will eventually break down (apart from the one with the dealer).
I made the hard decision to end my relationship a few weeks due to his ongoing cocaine use. We too were (still are) very much in love and had so many wonderful times together. But the flipside was too much to take – all very similar to what you describe – toxic emotional abuse, where they even find the nasty remarks, I will never know. He would dip his toe into CA but not commit fully – just doing bits he wanted to. My partner refused to leave when I said to him I no longer wanted us to live together (even though it’s my property which I own and had said to him it didn’t have to be immediately – say 4-6 weeks) and the final straw came when I asked again when he would be moving out and he backed me into a corner several times, threatening me with violence. I had to leave my house. The next day I changed the locks, put his belongings in the shed and told him what I’d done. That wasn’t an easy decision but for me but it was my only option for my own safety and sanity. He is now back in our home city and incredibly remorseful but not committing to a path of recovery. I wish for him to have the happy life he deserves but also for me to have that too.
Hopefully by reading posts on here it will help a little to not take his words and behaviour towards you personally, hard as that is. The drug/addiction turns them into this dreadful jekyll and hyde character.
Sending love and peaceful thoughts x
If he won’t get help or isn’t willing