Hi Cali,
I’m glad to hear that he’s out of the house for 2.5 months so you’re not always confronting the mental abuse at home.
My boyfriend has probably always been an alcoholic, it’s rife in his family. Addicted to cannabis aswell. Other than that since I met him, I’ve know he’s been a recreational party drug user.. I loved that at the start, we were the party couple. He seemed to still function really well then. But he began taking coke daily at work on his building site (apparently this is common on every building site!!), and that’s when he stopped being a functional addict.
He hid it so well, I thought it was the drink that was causing all of his problems. When I said in January that I was going to leave over his drinking, he confessed about how much coke he’d been taking, he knew how serious it was then and wanted to stop. But even with the will to stop, he couldn’t maintain it and just got more addicted and better at lying the last few months.
I don’t want to jinx it, but he’s been very committed the last month and is dying to get into rehab. He knows he can’t handle any substances when he’s out. I don’t know what’s different this time, maybe it was his mother finding out and seeing her fear and disappointment and I left for a while. He seems to have some understanding now of how much he’s let down his family, friends and people he worked for. Then we went to my parents house in the countryside for 2 weeks to give him a head start away from all his dealers. He learned a few lessons here about how low he would go to get substances, he stole money from my bag to buy drink and lied to his friend so he could send him money. That was a big wake up call for him.
But everyone has their own rock bottom, unfortunately we can’t do anything to force them into finding it or seeing the need to change. I hate how powerless we are in this situation! Maybe when your husbands friends get sick of him wasting around their houses and throw him out, maybe then he’ll get some idea of how much he hurt you and others, and what a mess he’s made of his life. I hope you’re doing better now x