Hi Lece,
So in order, I’ll reply as best I can.
1. Why did he start the journey to stopping?
Honestly, I think it was probably the fact he was developing a hole inside his nose, regular nosebleeds, it took his health to visibly suffer to stop. His parents dont know anything of his coke use, and I think he knew that if his nose got worse he wouldnt be able to talk it away!
Me being anxious, sad and worried, our child wondering where he was every weekend, and working late all the time, none of that really came into play intially. it did after he started the journey as he had some clarity and he was disgusted with himself.
2. The Cheating.
I have had to compartmentalise this as a symptom of the drug. There is no way in gods earth that he would have gone near the woman clean and sober! Coke addicts gravitate to coke addicts, and they’re more often than not drunk quite a lot, I had to tell myself that it was the coke, the devil on his shoulder. I believe he already feels enough guilt, and me dragging it up is useless. I know he regrets it, and I know what caused him to do it. I have to think like this to move past it.
My husband would have always chosen cocaine over me, he stopped numerous times before, and then started again, but one day when they stop they’ll stop for good right? I’m hoping this is that time.
He is 51, you’d have thought he’d have grown out of it by now!! Lets hope so 🙂
I hope you are happy Lece, and that your children are too, thats the most important thing x