Hi,
I don’t know what you are going through, but do not feel bad for how you feel.
You went through hell with the man you loved, I’m sure that you tried your absolute best and you were helpless to stop him.
Addiction in any form is awful for the person, but equally as upsetting for the family around them. Take comfort in the fact you did what you could, and i’m sure you protected your kids as best you could.
Sending hugs x