I am sorry for your loss. There will be alot of mixed emotions as you and your family work through the grieving process and run through questions you’ve already asked yourself many times before. I think you have to let this take it’s course. I promise, over time it will get better.
In my view, alcoholics must want to stop, to stop, and until they want to no one can make them. The reason they don’t want to, no matter how obvious it is to everyone around them, is because they slip beneath the waves of alcoholism and their entire world view is warped. As loved ones it’s hard for us to accept that we cannot lift that person out from that place they are in.
I applaud you for holding out hope all those years. Don’t beat yourself up for trying – if anything it speaks volumes about your commitment and loyalty and you should hold your head high. We can only do our best in life and I’m sorry that hope you had for your husband has not been rewarded.
You should not feel bad for the sense of relief and hope for the future. This is a normal way to feel. You and your children did not ask to have your lives dominated by alcoholism. There will be ups and downs to come. Look after yourself and consider setting your teenagers up with some grief counselling to work through their feelings.