I can’t explain how much this site has helped me recently,
Don’t get me wrong, I am a total mess, I’m low and sad but ultimately I’m keeping it to me this time.
Before I would go a week or two n then crumple n message him,
He would talk back and tell me how I needed to change or allow stuff and then we would be okay.
He’s so desperate for me to join in taking that crap, he knows how much I love him and seems to think I’ll cave.
I’m not stupid, our baby deserves more than drugged up parents, I wanna be there perky n alert for every single second of her life.
Like all of us on here, im mourning someone who’s still alive but no longer the same.
He appeared again yesterday, no phone call before again,
I let my girls open the door and kept busy, I was polite and so was he
– that’s the point I normally cave because I love him so much! But I didn’t, he gave our little one a 30 second cuddle, made a few comments about missing out on her as if it was my doing and he left.
Yay me for not showing any emotion but inside im am empty.
He is my whole world, I have never loved anyone as much as I love him! Life is cruel!
Anyway, like I’ve always taught my girls, one day it will feel better, all those rows when I just wanted him out of my house, all those nights when he was so angry and said so many evil, nasty things to me, that’s all done now. I must remember the bad times just as much as the good because he’s not the same anymore.
I have no idea how it will play out, im secretly hoping he will wake up and change but in the same breath he’s made it fairly final these last few weeks.
A WhatsApp group would be so good! This is the only place I open up, it’s the one thing that’s getting me through right now xx