Hey
Thanks!
It’s such a head f#ck!
I am trying to keep myself busy,
I’m finding sleeping hard as it is with a baby but he’s always on my mind! I lay awake wondering if he’s sad, I wake up knowing he’s gonna be awake until 3 or 4am each night, is he even thinking about me!
I used to see his mum occasionally n she said he was really low n kept himself to himself,
Then why?! He knows I’m here, our family home, the kids he’s helped raise for the last few years!
My 8 year old calls him dad cos he’s all she’s known, he was her idol!
We laughed so much, life was the best it had ever been for both of us!
And he knew I would always have his back.
Was this all a game? He ticks the boxes for a narcissist too, but I can’t work out if that is the coke playing a part in that or not, coke has been in our lives from the start but only on a destructive level since just before lockdown
It’s such a waste!
We had a couple of nights where he
apologized, he told me he knew he was a shit boyfriend and that he was the one to blame for how we were, he said things to show he had thought about what he had done,
He always caught me with a “hang on in there cos I’m gonna change”
“ just let football finish, just wait till darts is over, my mate needs me cos he’s feeling low”
I’m a sucker for him I guess.
I just don’t know how to go about my life never knowing how he is, waiting for a call, I’m praying hes gonna text or call each day, I watch my phone when I no he’s due to wake up. I have no real interest in mixing with friends, I have a busy family, it’s just missing him!
I’m sure he’s listened to that song, he was a Mc for years and was the one who really read into lyrics in songs,
Do you still hold hope for your x?