Hi, our stories are so similar it’s crazy cocaine has always been in our relationship got worse before the first lockdown too then just spiralled after that. I have been trying to read up if he’s a narcissist I think addicts do have narcissistic qualities as they are very similar no empathy selfish no remorse. I have been reading up on it too how mad do you do a lot of research I do it’s me trying to make sense of it all I suppose. I saw my ex yesterday he took our two sons as it was he’s weekend he picks our daughter up Sunday for the day as she’s too little for overnights just yet. He yet again said he had no money to give for the children he’s car insurance came out of he’s bank and he paid to take the kids out Saturday to see dinosaurs. How true this is I don’t know, he took boys to see them sent me pictures which was nice of him I suppose. He has cards for my other son for hes bday we still haven’t got he’s mum gave them to him for my son, I said have you taken the money out of them he said too you sound like my mother so she is questioning him he says they was in car first off then he forgot now they are now in bags as he cleared car out he’s told me he is surrendering he’s finance vehicle back to the company he hasn’t made a single payment for it hasn’t had much work and what money he has had well you know.. it’s sensible I’m hoping he’s getting things in order or trying to sort he’s life out but then again he may want more money to use without paying for car insurance, so could go either way. Im exactly the same I do miss him but I know that I cannot back down and go back to him, I will only go back after seeing he is clean for at least 6 months to a year. I won’t tell him this which makes it worse too coz I don’t know how he feels I ended things but he hasn’t begged nor asked me or said anything about us nor have i, I know it will take time and he knows I wouldn’t listen to what he has to say I want actions not words ive told him this but still would be nice to know he misses me I’m sure he does but like me he’s hiding it very well. I do have hope we are good apart from that we’ve known each other since I was 14, we’ve overcome so many obstacles but can’t get over this it’s so upsetting! But only he can change and if he doesn’t well then he’s no good for me and I’m better off alone this is how I cope with it right now he’s there for the kids so that’s good he said he will take our youngest boy for a haircut in the week but whatever he says I don’t cling on to I just say okay and don’t get surprised when he doesn’t when it comes to the kids though he hasn’t let them down only once and I went mental at him and reminded him of when he was a little boy and he’s dad often left him waiting and didn’t show. I know I feel lost without him but as days are getting on it’s getting easier I’m getting use to it and thats scaring me too because it feels so final, but as i mentioned before you never know what can happen in the future so fingers crossed for the both of us. When was the last time you saw or heard from him? X
