Coco, it’s good to hear from you, and I’m really pleased that everything continued on the same path for you and your bf has stayed off it since Jan.
I have a lot of admiration for you, I know it isn’t easy living though what you have with kids around and get to a positive outcome like you have.
A lot of much of the same has been going on for me/us, I suppose I know what it is and what it isn’t, I’m probably just on auto pilot now. He still says he’s going to come off it, it’s still massively holding him back in life, I’m still the breadwinner, still looking after him. More than ever now actually, and tbh I don’t even know why. I don’t think he’ll ever change even if some days he convinces himself he wants to. He says no drug support “help” will work for him, so what can I do.
The only positive is that he doesn’t do it every day anymore.
In truth I’m scared of what will happen if I stop my love and support. Yes, he’s an addict, a tiny part of me does recognise he’s improving, but where some things have improved, others have got much worse.
His temper. I’ve never ever seen it in the way it is now. It’s like his deep rooted anger is just worse than ever, his body is failing him, he’s been in a lot of pain, which I’m trying to support him to get help with. When he’s craving the crack again it’s worse than ever, a few times I’ve feared for my safety. It’s not like I ever encourage him, I don’t talk back, I never start a fight, he gets very threatening and verbally abusive so quick these days. All pain and frustration.
I actually feel now he could be a bit properly unbalanced mentally, he’s starting to say things that just don’t make any sense at all. I just ignore him, but also worry what’s going on and what I can do.
The age old question, “does he even care” is still in the back of my mind, and you’re right, he does, but…..
And thanks for your support, likewise, always here if you need to talk. Xx