Thank you for replying and well done on your efforts.
I’m not going to say I am perfect, or the relationship was. To be honest it became toxic. My husband lied/ concealed what he was doing as I had never imagined he would be involved with drugs so it’s never something I directly asked him (until I worked it out – even then I thought I was crazy).
He blames our unhappy marriage and me being difficult/ a worrier / suffering with anxiety.
Our relationship went downhill when we started struggling with infertility and once I was pregnant his behaviour went off the chart and I felt emotionally shut out and unsupported as he avoided me. I was struggling with my own issues of what we had been through so I’m not perfect. But he never communicated- I’m quite emotional- at times my emotions getting the better of me. He has blamed me and I’ve taken it.
I’ve given him many chances to sort it all out accepting I need to handle things differently too but he wants none of it. Yet took months to get on board with getting a solicitor and getting on with a divorce that I started and that he has said he wanted then not wanted them wanted. He has given so many mixed signals. But nothing consistent.
He said he wanted help and to change but hasn’t proven anything and not stuck to a program he did start. I have given him info including CA but he is adamant he has stopped (but then admitted it was going on longer than he led me to believe). I feel he needs proper help as he was using heavily (nearly every day).
I don’t know I am just devastated as I wanted to work through it with him even though I didn’t agree with what he had been doing and betrayed me.