Heartbroken88,
I feel for you a lot. Aside from children, our stories sound pretty much identical. It truly is grief that’s what I’ve been going through for months now, mourning the loss of my marriage and who my husband used to be. He was the most amazing person. I found out in April that he was secretly doing cocaine since December. I would have never known had I not found messages on our computer about it. I had no idea why he was acting the way he was and not coming home and just literally not making sense. Nothing will make sense when cocaine is involved. If done research and read on here for months and it’s helped me to understand the situation a bit better but does not make it any easier. I never know which him I’m going to get. He went from just cold and mean and blaming me for an ‘unhappy marriage’ (even though before the coke he would tell me weekly that he was happy and loved me more than anything). He met new single friends and started partying all the time. In between then and now I’ve gotten a jerk, too an overly happy guy that he just soooo happy with his new life, to a guy who could barely speak he looked so depressed, to crying, to then a phone call after one of my friends called him out on everything he’s done to me (leaving me with no money and talking to other women and drugs) he screamed at me said he was getting lawyers and this wnd that all while I was having a panic attack at work. After this I blocked him and since he has been trying to contact me all the time. He showed up at the apartment and hugged me, asked me a million questions about my life (like every time now) said it was so good to see you, hugged me again. He never makes sense. Says he “can’t remember the last time he did coke” but I can’t believe anything he says. He needs help. I just don’t think these guys can do it on their own without at least taking accountability and admitting they have a problem. Mine said it got out of hand for a while… literally in the time frame he left me.. but also said that had nothing to do with him leaving. Come on these things are not just coincidence. If you’re able to talk to a therapist that helps me a lot, along with talking to my family and best friends daily. Talking about it helps. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but we have to remind ourselves the cocaine life is not the life we want to live. Anything you can do for yourself please do. Xoxo