HI Paul, very sorry to hear your feeling low. I have gone through a terrible few weeks aswell, same as yourself on the receiving end of a relationship breakdown and not knowing where to turn feeling like its all my fault. What I have gathered over the last few weeks from both this forum and from talking to friends and family is that we cannot blame ourselves for our ex partners addiction. Like yourself I stood by my boyfriend for months hoping things would start to go down the right road. His family knew the ordeal I was going through but refused to help me and were full of nothing but empty promises. His cocaine use spiraled out of control I was being blamed for everything and I felt like he hated me but the problem was I was coming between him and his addiction as in trying to encourage him to stop and he couldn’t bear to think I was so therefore he made out I was the crazy one with control issues etc and that he hadnt drink or drug use issues. You hear that ‘drugs change people beyond recognition’ and ponder the idea but it’s only in recent weeks my family agree that they no longer knew my ex boyfriend of 8 years, in the last 6 months he changed so much yet remained so convincing. My thinking on it all is, is that they don’t hate us, in fact they probably still have feelings/care for us but the drugs take priority and the hurt they cause doesn’t come into it as selfishness to get the drug and use takes over. Those they hurt on the road to getting it makes no odds to them. Its always easy for them to shift the blame especially on to loved ones. They don’t take any accountability for thier actions but you have to remember we are not the ones placing the drug infront of them telling them to use, it’s their decision. Looking back I put my own health on the line trying to save my boyfriend yet at the time I was just about coping and focused on the idea of tomorrow is a new day and all along held out hope that tomorrow would be the day he would realise he needed to quit for good. Its so so hard to accept that no matter what anyone does or says makes no difference to an addict. They are only going to change if they really want to themselves. And this is something that’s so difficult especially when you would go to the moon and back for them to help them but yet this is out of your control. All I can say is continue to reach out speak to people, don’t hold your thoughts to yourself. I found it easier to talk about it even though it hurt me so much. Keep busy, keep your head up and your partners healing and recovery is on her, you have done your best and can do no more. Take care and look after yourself
