Hey you,
I know things are hard when I loose my sense of humor! These last few days and I’m just lost again!! I wish I would learn!!
How is it they get to control our feelings?
Anyone else and we probably would have walked by now, I’m dam sure he wouldn’t put up with all this crap from me!!
It’s desperation
I’m sat here alone and I can only turn to this page because no one else really knows what this stuff is doing to our lives!.
Again I read through other stories and he matches all of it!!
The filth he shouts at me and his mum, the pervy rubbish that has just started which I’m guessing is because he’s been alone for quite a while now, his drinking and betting problem that’s now alongside this!
The anger! God it’s like there really is no part of him that’s left anymore!
If you met him in the street he would seem the loveliest most fun bloke!
Last week he spent maybe 4 days being the old him, gentle and just nice but as you no it doesn’t last, part of me was dreading this weekend because we were ment to spend it together, I should have known that he would flip and I’d be sat here alone.
The looks his mum gives me, she has told me so many times that she knows it’s him yet when he’s screaming at me from his front door, as I’m waiting for a taxi while my car is sat there in front of me for him! Because I’m not a nasty person, I’ve even put fuel in it when I borrowed it for half hour to drop my girls off!! And she talks to me as if I’ve wound him up….
I no I need to cut my ties, I think having baby makes me feel like I has some duty to try,
I’m just at that point where I want a hug from an adult who isn’t gonna scream at me, a mate to set the world to rights that knows exactly what I’m going through and to feel like a person n not a giant secret
I’m sorry yours has gone back to it as well! When they are doing well you’d think they would see that and know!
Make that connection that feeling bad, sleeping in! Being nasty! It all comes from that stuff!
It takes its toll and I was up there doing well with my head, roll on next week! Start again x