Hey hope your good
I’m seeing him today,
He’s been fairly quiet after what he did the other day,
since I’ve pulled away n not reacted or bothered with him he’s been a lot calmer,
I can almost see how lost he is, it’s sad right now because he’s so addicted, he can’t help himself…I guess that urge when he’s driving home from work late, he knows his dealers well and he has so many that he’s always getting messages and offers to do work with that as payment.
And his friend who dragged him so deep up and vanished which has left him alone.
I can only pray that it gives him the sense to battle it out now.
I just can’t imagine going home alone and jumping on that by myself.
He calls or messages me after a week or whatever and I’m always alright with him because I no it’s not him, I want him to remember that we are here and happy and if he works on it he can be back to this again,
I’m not gonna let him use me though, after him trying to get my bank details last week! I’ve canceled my card now and I will be asking for my car back, it’s a constant learning curve with this stuff.
I lay awake with our baby last night just grateful that I didn’t get hooked like him, the thought of never feeling just normal! He has lost so much weight, he’s always hungry, I always saw him as the stronger one of us, he always seemed to have a plan and over this last 18 months he has nothing left.
All his ‘normal’ friends have moved on with life, he had some really good jobs he messed up, he had stuff that he has sold to pay off people and to just survive! It’s so sad really
He’s finally realizing how much debt he’s getting into, bills not getting paid, I think he just expected his mum to pay them when I stopped but she has been really sick herself so she’s not working now and it’s all catching up with him.
I’m not gonna help him with that either this time, so many times over the last year n a half I’ve helped him pay off his debts and he’s relapsed and we are back to square 1.
His mum though!!
One day she’s calling me – she has no idea what he’s on but will tell me how he speaks to her like crap, the nasty stuff he says that he used to say to me too, she’s fully aware he can be a nightmare but still thinks it’s alcohol, in her next breath when he walks in screaming at me and it’s all on how I’m to blame blah blah blah and she’s backing him lol, maybe you shouldn’t say that! Well he didn’t get much sleep because of noises outside lol – no! It’s because he’s been on it!!!
If anything I’m quite scared of him coming home and this starting again further down the line because I don’t need it and the girls don’t need it either, I’ve pulled away more because I don’t want him thinking that a few days clean and I will let him back in,
I miss him like crazy but I’m also quite scared of all the hurt n secrets and him I guess in a way.
He messaged last night n said he wished he was home with me n that he wants us all back but it’s really all down to him now.
I think if I found out he had cheated I’d probably walk away though, I don’t think I could forgive that, even with a messed up mind or full of anger that would be a step too far for me. He can control himself to hide it from other people and to have a job then he can keep his pants on lol
I don’t no even if I want that anymore, for now though he’s due to come see me today, I just hope he’s clean.
That whole Jekyll n Hyde thing is spot on! I just no if he’s been using because he like a stranger, he’s nasty and aggressive and looking for a fight for days after he’s used it, I don’t really get how he doesn’t see it, that last time I messaged on here! God he had screamed at me while I was driving, like full on screaming and hitting the car, people walking by must have thought we were crazy! Lol I’d walked out of my house happy n straight into that!
Anyway, happy birthday to your boy! I hope you have the best day!! X