Hi,
Thanks for posting and sharing your story. Sorry that things are difficult for you.
I work for a charity called Icarus Trust. We offer support to people like yourself who are dealing with addiction in the family. If you would like to speak with one of our experienced and trained people please get in touch. May be talking with one of them will help you to sort out how you feel.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.