So sorry to read your story. You are not crazy but you have been through a difficult bad time.
If you would like to talk with people who would understand what you have gone through and how you are feeling you might want to contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people going through what you are , dealing with an addictive partner.One of our experienced and well trained family Friends would talk with you if you get in touch.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.