For me it all depends on how he behaves… if he can remain a reformed character for at least as long as he was on the drugs (1000 days) then i can see that my trust might go from minus 200 million to around 3%. However, at this point i don’t have much faith, and have warned him so.
The way i see it… if i kick him out there is zero chance of getting where we were supposed to be. If he stays there’s a slim chance and so I’ll take it. For the kids too. I know how much they’ll hurt if he goes. Plus i want my dreams back.
I’m a total mess anyway at the moment and am more reliant on him than I’ve ever been on anyone. I’ve got really severe ptsd and my memory is completely wrecked, plus barely sleeping and every day is constant flashbacks and horrible intrusive thoughts. It’s all i can do to hold it together for my kids. It’s actually doing him a world of good to be forced to step up to the plate instead of me carrying everything and everyone, as i have done forcall these years.
That said … i sometimes think it would be a lot easier to just draw a line, kick him out and stamp the whole marriage as a load of rubbish. It’s the staying and living with it that rips me apart. But… my dreams and our plans.. and the kids feelings.
I have to hang on and see if things improve.
Chellou… if you’re dead set that things are over and you can move on, then all power to you!!! But I’d say be careful that you’re really certain. The grass always does seem greener x