Absolutely ???? ????
Nobody other than me and my husband know how bad things really have been, and id be ashamed if they did. I haven’t even worked up the courage to even tell my counsellor yet. I feel stupid for not leaving before. But now he’s changed it does feel exactly as you say … we’re the bad ones. However.. I’ve warned my husband if i still feel this shit in another year or so, I’m going. Our kids will be fully teenagers by then and they’ll cope. As I’ve told him numerous times now HE made the decision to throw everything away already, when he decided to start taking the drugs. He knew then it was wrong and he made his choice. It’s not my doing, it’s 100% on him. Frankly, id never have even given him the time of day if i knew he’d do such dreadful things as he has. I pity my kids that i inflicted this father on them. And i hate him for letting them down.
I don’t even know if he might fall off the wagon by then .. which is another thing that probably stops us having full feelings for them.
Self-preservation.
I do love him still, and i hate him too. It’s like literally being ripped in teo.