Hi Nirvana,
Difficult though it is for me to read your story, i also hold some sympathy with your situation. I feel from what you read that you know you are not on a good path.
My husband thought he was coping fine but really everything around him was falling apart and the drugs and drink blinded him to the truth.
I won’t lecture you on the obvious fact of how very wrong it is to have large amounts of drugs in the house with your children, and use them when they are at home. You know you risk losing them if the authorities found out.
All i can suggest is that if you’re really looking for a way out then please try getting in touch with CAUK. That’s cocaine anonymous. They will not judge you and it’s down to them that my husband got clean and has turned things around.
From what you say you want out and i wish you all the best with that.
I have to say thought it’s the lying that has hurt me most about my own personal situation, so i advise you to find a way to tell the truth to your husband.