Firstly hello and yes you have found a great place to help you make sense of his actions and try to regain yourself
Reading on here you will see that your story and my story and so many others are so familiar
It will really help you – keep looking and reading and eventually you will regain your strength
All the choices you have had to make are caused by him
Him lying
Him choosing drugs over you and his kids
Don’t you dare feel guilty – we all do initially as we have all been manipulated emotionally and destroyed mentally
You need space to let your brain untangle and to rest i bet you are exhausted
You just take a step back
If he doesn’t take his Tablets that’s his Fault he is an adult
He won’t forget to buy his drugs
He won’t forget to roll his joint or crack open a beer
He won’t think I should give this last bit of money to you to feed the kids or pay a bill he will just put his hand out for more and walk away to score without giving any of you another thought
He will disappear for the night/days and not spare one thought for you or the kids
You have nothing to feel guilty for or to try and prove you are a good person to anyone except your kids
One thing – I can guarantee there is more for you to discover and it won’t be pretty or nice but please remember that it does not reflect On you
It is the worst thing to go through
Grief – despair – anger – self loathing – loss of control – isolation
Feels like you will never be the same agin but you will because there will be a point where your feelings will change
Your strength will come back
You will say – no more – you can’t keep me in that place anymore – I am so over your BS – Bad you will move on – it doesn’t mean you have to hold a grudge or carry hate around – it means you will let it go and the weight will lift and your head won’t be full of negative waste of time crap anymore
And you will smile x
Don’t hate yourself
All you did was fall in love with an addict and let your goodness be used against you xx