replied to myself as you will read but I need to add this too
I have since found out that my ex first started smoking crack aged18
He had a long term girlfriend from 18 until 26 they smoked crack together even through and after the birth oh his first daughter
Her parents came round unexpectedly one Saturday morning and they found her unconscious on the Sofa surrounded by paraphernalia – he had gone out to score – they told her him or us – she came to her senses and left him- he got into an argument with her and punched her and knocked her out – ended up doing 12months sentence. He told me he came home and caught her with someone else …..
On leaving prison he was at a party doing all sorts and he got caught by a one night stand – they were both long term heavy drug users and they ended up having 2 girls both mistakes and had a horrifically domestic violent fuelled by both of them using drink and drugs
relationship for 3 years
Then he was temping and met an older woman (15 yrs older) who worked in accounts she was a heavy drinker liked to party but had her own house, a nice life until she met him – he got her smoking crack she lost her home, her job and all her savings. her kids came round one Saturday morning and caught them still on an binge horrific! But she stuck by him and turned on her kids (she had 5)
He had flings she knew but turned a blind eye and loved smoking crack and he go her involved in sordid internet hook ups with blokes and even with other addicts that they were scoring with! They were together 6 years. She now lives in a council flat, and he goes around to smoke crack and takes her prescription pills off her
When I Met him he told me his ex had spent all the money and hidden the bills, and that he had had lost his business because of her …
I never for one moment had an inkling about drugs
He never ever mentioned drugs
All his family kept quiet and lied to my face
Now I know the whole truth and although I had the unpleasant experience of having this lying, cheating, (because oh yes he did: lots of times when he was high, even though I was his angel, love of his life, can’t live without you, no one compares to you!) master manipulator in my life
I have managed to get free and move on
He begged me to have a child with him even bragged that all his kids were carried small, yes because they were all 3 crack babies!!
Now I realise he was using crack quietly right from the beginning
He hid so much from me, and so did his family
He has been a drug using serial cheater all his life but is so practised at it that he is a master manipulator
I cannot believe I fell for it but I did and it’s been the biggest and hardest lesson of my life
I was in a bad place after divorce when I met him and I loved the attention he lavished on me – I was a sitting duck – a new cash flow
Thank god I did not try it or let him take me down with him because he would try and get me to smoke it all the time
Apparently he is obsessed with head when he is doing a pipe
To him it was second nature it was his hobby he lived for it – not me – or his kids – for crack and that’s hard to accept but because they lie (and they lie so well) you get stuck in the fantasy of being the only one who really knows them; can save them; covering up for them a conspirator and codependent, But really you are just the only one who can’t see the whole truth who is being used and abused beyond all limits without any real care or attention