Louisa2021, I’m so sorry to read about what you’re going through. My boyfriend is a life long addict, mainly crack is his drug of choice. He goes through phases, he uses less when he is happier, he uses more when he’s a bit stressed or unbalanced.
If you’ve been together for 2 years and he was a heavy user before, perhaps he has just always had and will be a drug user in varying degrees. Perhaps meeting you was so positive that he cut right back and it was virtually undetectable? – my boyfriend does this too, when he is good.
My boyfriend told me time and time again he wanted to stop, but he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. In truth he enjoys it. We’ve totally gone full circle now, and although our relationship can be chaotic, I’ve accepted who he is and that his addiction is HIS lifestyle choice and that’s totally on him. We’ve known each other a long while and don’t get me wrong I am sooo anti drugs, but as long as what he does doesn’t impact me, it’s up to him. He knows that means if I don’t want to be around him because he’s on it/is on a come-down, he has to accept that. Sometimes he’d rather spend time with me, so he’ll compromise a bit. Equally though, sometimes I want to spend time with him for whatever reason and he just wants to get on it. Those times can feel harsh, sometimes we argue about that. I do suffer with feelings of rejection sometimes, most of the time I get on and it’s short lived. If he really wants it, NOTHING stops him.
Ultimately, the point I’m making it isn’t the life I’d of chosen for myself, he has bad days, the physical wear and tear drugs have on the body are very apparent, and not pretty, but he’s happy, as much as he can be. One day he may stop totally, I don’t know, until then, he’s happy and that means we are good.
Sending you kindness and strength xx