So sorry to hear of your suffering……..I understand your situation only too well. I was married to an alcoholic ( who is the father of my Son ), we were together for 5 years, over which he got progressively worse. I eventually had to take my child away for his and my own safety and well being. My husband died of alcoholic poisoning in 2012…10 years ago now.
Anyhow….this is not about me…..I just want you to understand that I have been where you are now….and I know there is little to no help out there for the partners, family who are next to an addict and dealing with them on a daily basis.
You have to understand that how your partner is behaving is typical of an alcoholic…………….It’s essential for them to suck the energy out of someone else to survive. You are the person to blame, to abuse, to push around. The alcoholic feels worthless…………….it’s not you!!!!! You are the sane normal one….I know it’s like living in the eye of the storm. I feel so…bad for you.
I recognise what you say about….you stayed off work to help him…..I had this….I also had a child that I couldn’t leave with him. No doubt he’s keeping you up all night as well.
You must wake up and recognise that this is not love ( they call it that…but it’s not love… to destroy you ). You also are protecting him, because no one can know….
you must also get over this and tell people that you trust. Never mind if it’s going to cause him problems, legal issues?! Without you he’d soon have to face the consequences! It’s his problem, his behaviour….it’s his shame….not yours!
You must get the strength to leave and get away from this toxic relationship. For your own health and sanity. You don’t mention children…so it’s easier to get away.
Please understand that this is what they do……he’s holding you there….like a prisoner. Break free….so that you can live a normal life in the future with someone who isn’t an addict.
He is controlling your life….you can’t reason with a drunk. He does have a drink problem….which progresses into full blown alcoholism eventually. My husband also threatened to kill himself….
Please tell me that you can make a plan to leave. Routing for you…