Hi Jaz, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.
Everyone here has a loved one with addiction and also people in recovery who give good advice and support.
Congratulations on being clean for one month! That is a great achievement and you should be very proud of yourself.
My son is in early recovery, he is 29 and been fighting addiction for 10years or more.
If you go to ‘share your story ‘ and read Danman83 posts, he is a person in recovery and gives good advice. From what I know, it is normal to have these negative thoughts on a comedown from cocaine. It is an evil drug that tricks the brain.
The best thing my son did was join the CA meetings. You have support and advice and work through the 12 steps program to stay clean. Sometimes this can work just as well as rehab.
This has been the only thing that has worked for my son. You have people there who understand your situation and talk you through recovery.
Keep in touch here, tell someone close to you your problem. This is hard thing to face alone, especially as you are so young.
Take care of yourself
Lx