Hi JEM. This morning I rang the police to register him as a vulnerable adult because he cannot look after himself now (food, alcohol/liquids), falls if gets out of bed, soiling self. They called an ambulance & along with GP who was clear to him he’s unlikely to last beyond a few days and being out of hospital was no longer an option, he went voluntarily. He’s in liver failure. Arrived in A&E 12pm. Seen finally at 6pm (dear god!!!!!). Agreed he’d be transfered to surgical assessment unit. Never did found out what for as in spite of couple hours of ringing no one answered. 10pm, hammering on parents’ door where I’m staying with my son. Yes, he’d absconded from hospital (we don’t know if discharged self or just run off). £30 for taxi later, he tells me he needs the keys to the house so he can go to bed. I’m afraid I lost the plot this time, will have been very exciting for the neighbours. Made it clear it is no longer his home (I just that minute ended our ‘partnership,’ and the house is mine) and that he would have to apply for access to his son again (he has parental rights, so I know have to go through the legal motions to prevent him turning up at school gates etc.). My parents were deeply upset and my little boy sobbing’ don’t let daddy get me, I don’t want to see him’. He staggered off (falling several times on way), to collapse at end of the street. Police in meantime had been to our address (they were asking neighbours if they’d seen him). Was eventually found collapsed a couple of streets away from my parents house. His hospital bag had been deposited by taxi, so he was out dressed in pair of shorts, t-shirt, no cash or anything else. Last update from police, they were waiting with him for ambulance, but he was refusing to go again. I made clear he cannot come ‘home’ again and there is now a child safeguarding issue thrown in to the mix since he’s trying to get in to my son’s home when he absconds and I must keep him safe. They couldn’t take him in to custody because he’s too poorly. No idea where he is now, but if been outside all night and left hospital again – if ever did go back, will have died of hypothermia. Weather has been foul this pm where I live, heavy rain, winds and cold. Updated his brother and told him he’s now homeless and not my responsibility. Brother refuses to have him as his mother is didsbled, no room and they can’t cope with him. So this is where we are this evening. Don’t know if he’s dead or alive, safe or not. He has lost everything, including the only thing that mattered to him in the end (even then second to whisky), his son. I am living on high alert, now looking over my shoulder to see if he’s lurking around, dreading going back home in case he’s there, or worse, dead on the lawn. I’ve some hospital treatment booked in for today – have a neurological condition, which I can’t put off again. Not sure if my son will be up to school in view of last night’s activities. I now have to see solicitor to legally safeguard my son (not straightforward with alcoholic access), borrowing money of parents to pay. My last shred of pity for him fell away this pm, and if he survives, I will never forgive him for the trauma, chaos, financial and emotional disaster and distress he has inflicted on us. I see nothing of the man he once was left. Upcoming months/years I have nothing but grief and difficulties to navigate and my tank was empty a long time ago. I’m terrified of breaking down as I do feel traumatised by it all. This is what it is for the family of the alcoholic, seldom a good conclusion. Thanks again for being so lovely JEM, especially through your own traumas and sadness. I hope so much that you have a happier future with your son, and that you do manage to access the help that you both need eventually x
