Dear Anyfuture. I am the widow of an alcoholic, he died in 2012, we seperated in 2010. Just telling you this, as I understand so well ( unfortunately ) your situation. My Son was 4 nearly 5, when I had to flee the family home.
I feel so desperately sorry for you, it’s outrageous that all the focus is on the addict and that there is no help for the spouse like you, and Mother, holding it all together and paying for everything, working etc, etc.
The dark side of the incontinence, in your case the soiling, in my late husband’s case the urinating. I used to get him to wear a nappy, he could not sleep in the bed, he ruined a mattress and a very expensive sofa, is difficult to talk about. It’s typical of an alcoholic!!
NONE of this is your fault, or YOUR responsibility!. At least you can stay and your child can stay at your Parents. You’ve got to somehow get him into rehab and then put your house on the market to sell. Record everything that’s happening, document it in your diary, so all the times, dates are recorded. I know what it’s like when your in the eye of the hurricane, but you must do this.
My husband was eventually sectioned, and forced into rehab ( by his father ). He was a danger to himself and to others. Although this was private rehab, is there any way that you could raise the funds to send him there, this would be for a Month and in that time you could arrange to get away.
Like me, it’s a no brainer choice that you have to make. Your child or him? You need to get your child out of the environment and you need to get yourself out of the environment, so that you can be healthy to look after your Son.
There is no hope for the alcoholic, he sounds like he is really in an advanced state.
I understand the checking that he’s still alive…. This went on for years. The doctor can prescribe diazepam to break the addiction cycle, but it’s short lived as, when they take another drink it starts all over again.
I’m so glad that you’ve told his friends and family and your work. This was one of the hardest things for me, not telling work and others.
Are you able to afford to rent a furnished flat perhaps? Get away, don’t tell him the address. Remember the alcoholic ( and you do need to realise that the person that you fell in love with is now absorbed by the addiction ), is useless on their own. Any threats that he may make are empty, the furthest he will get is to get to the shop to get alcohol. As you say, he’s a danger to himself……………let him go, that’s not your fault. If he ends up arrested or in hospital…………not your fault. You have to put yourself and your Son first!! He didn’t do that!!!
Really routing for you. Somehow get away, whether it’s staying at your Parents or renting somewhere else? Figure out how to get him out of the house after that.
Wishing you the best. I lived it, and remember, my Son and I survived it!
I now have a normal Partner. You will get through this and live a normal life.xxxxx