Thank you for your message.
I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain and suffering.
I’m sorry we are in a very similar situation and we are left with all of those emotions that can be very overwhelming!
And, if you’re like me, you look at your children (our son is 19) and feel helpless for them not having a Dad at their age but they are left with us Mums and they know we have their backs, we feel their pain and we will get them through it because it’s what we do!
What we have been through is awful to witness and I do worry that this will have a negative impact on my son and I’m ready to not allow this, we talk all of the time!
I find it’s all of the ‘firsts without’ my partner that tip me over the edge and I dread the first Christmas this year, he was on his own for his last Christmas as I went to visit my parents until about 4pm and I feel really bad about that, he was invited but declined and told us to go!
I’ve been keeping myself really busy since he passed but now I’m suffering with flashbacks to his last few days, he refused medical intervention and passed away on our living room floor after a fall meant we couldn’t move him so all I could do was make him comfortable and stay with him.
When I’m doing something normal like loading the dishwasher or waiting in a queue I’ll suddenly see him having a panic attack or telling me he’s scared and this is followed by an overwhelming sadness and tears.
Recently somebody beeped at me on a roundabout and tailgated me until I turned off into a supermarket where I ended up breaking down to the cashier. People don’t know the trauma we’ve been through!
And like you I miss our conversations and dislike having to make decisions on my own too!
I would like to get in touch with you but don’t know how.
Please take care and take time to heal, our kids need us Mums!
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