I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m incredibly sorry that you are still suffering.
This isn’t something you can just forget and get over, it becomes a major part of our lives that we learn to live with every day when we wake up, we pick ourselves up and somehow get through the day.
I feel you should be talking it through with someone, the fact that you have written on here is enough to realise that you do want to carry on with your life.
We all have the days where we feel we can’t carry on but we do, we find a way, our partners wouldn’t want us to be suffering like this on their behalves and I believe they are watching over us.
Sometimes the trauma of witnessing the demise of our loved ones to alcohol is too much, it’s overwhelming. I have days where I feel every emotion all at once and it hurts but it soon passes and I dust myself down and carry on.
There isn’t a day that goes by where he’s not in my thoughts or I don’t regret our last argument, I sometimes obsess over what our last conversation was, the last time we laughed, the last tv programme we watched together.
I talk to him in my mind and when I get stuck or hit a problem at work I ask him for his advise.
Seems silly, but I do talk to him and this helps me. I screamed at him driving home from work that I wasn’t okay with how he died and how dare he did that to us and then I felt better.
Please be kind to yourself, close your eyes and take a big deep breath and appreciate that you still have your life to live.