Esta tells the truth! I have almost 5 decades in this. I still don’t know what happened! He won’t talk about it. When the topic comes up, he has a look on his face that I have only seen on this topic. It’s a look of discomfort, shame, and possibly trauma. I thought I knew this man, love of my life. When this topic comes up. I can only guess wtf is happening to him – and me. He has told me that he wishes that none of it ever happened (I believe him), that if I knew – I would leave him now after all these years (35-40 years ago the events happened with his coke years). I’m ready to hear it, he won’t tell it. Sometimes I wonder who has it worse – me the betrayed or him the staying clean addict. I figure sooner or later he will tell me about all of it. I’m scared. I can’t unknow it after he tells it. Where will I be with it then?
