Hi Catcull,
Welcome to the Forum where you will find many stories similar to your own, myself included.
If you have a look at the Theresa thread you will find lots of Mums with Sons who are addicts, some are doing well, others not so good, but as you know this is a very long journey, and it’s like living in hell.
Your Son will only do things to rectify his addiction when he is ready.
There are CA and NA meetings on line and depending on where you are some face to face meetings are now open, through these meetings he will meet people who are all in the same boat, he could get himself a sponsor and start working the 12 step programme, which I think really helps them, if they want to get clean and sober.
Please keep in touch on here and try to have time for yourself, which I know is very hard to do. Nobody judges on here and it’s a great place to be able to share your story.
Take care.
Dx