Reply To: Seems I Don’t know who my husband is…

#254407
thistim3
Participant

Purpleheart – our stories are so similar.  So similar.  You describe so much of it the same that I would, but in my story it started decades ago. Before devices were around that I could try to figure out where my husband was going. No trackers, no cellphones.  How would I even believe what was happening then. I wouldn’t and shouldn’t be here with him now if I could have known then.  I noticed he was different and found it so scary. I didn’t tell anyone. I was alone and pregnant with our first born. Alone and scared.  He wouldn’t tell me anything and would leave everyday for hours and hours and hours.  Come home, go to sleep, go to work, then leave again.  I’m impressed that you confronted your husband. I didn’t confront mine. I was too scared. He went unchecked for about 5 years, when I finally did.  I’m mad at myself for that, but I never would have guessed coke.  How could I? I didn’t know. This is my husband. My protector. I still can’t get this to make sense. My husband was a long time cannabis smoker up to that point, but he was never like this before. I didn’t know anything about coke or any other drugs could change someone so much.  Did your husband also smoke/consume cannabis before his addiction alcohol and coke? So many of the addicts start and/or are at their worst when their spouses are pregnant and/or when their children are very young.  Maybe this  a coincidence. Those years of our lives are over and it hurts that during those years he was so awful. There is no do over and it is hard for me still to watch other couples enjoy this part of their lives together – when our own lives were so messed up dealing with all the things that you mentioned.  I want to get past this, but I don’t know how.  He still minimizes this on the rare occasions that we talk about it.  But, really – what can he possibly say or do to make it better? So, I hope and pray that there is something that I will read or hear about that will make it better for us – so I can move on from this.

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