Thankyou for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can’t talk to anyone but if you would like to contact us at Icarus Trust one of our trained and experienced Family Friends would talk with you. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family so maybe that would help you.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.