Hi Nylanoo
I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I found out this year that my partner has been abusing cocaine in secret for 5 years. I genuinely had no idea
I am little by little starting to trust him again, but he has had to work really hard at being transparent for any of that to work.
There are moments when he slips back into addictive behaviours but I am starting to trust myself more. When I see something I don’t like, I say it then and there. I categorically refuse to be gaslit anymore into thinking it’s all in my head.
I would also say that it’s super important to look after yourself and consider your needs and boundaries now.
Coming on here has massively helped me accept what has happened in the past and educate myself.
I hope that helps 🙂