Hi Sleeping Beauty, believe me you are not letting her down. It’s tough to watch the person you love do this to themselves. My mother was an alcoholic and I felt like walking away many a time! There is only so much you can cope with.
My husband always knew I took them as it started with a serious back injury. Before I knew it, I was taking more than recommended and couldn’t stop. That part he didn’t know for awhile. However, he has known for the last few years and tried his best to help me. The only thing he asked of me was to be honest about how many I was taking which I was from then on. For the last couple of years, I was taking codeine to feel ‘normal’, I wasn’t getting any euphoric feeling really anymore. Have you any idea how many she’s taking to get into that zombie state every evening?
As for my husband, we’ve been together since we were 17 and married for 10 years. I’m 39 now. We’ve 2 kids and I suppose it wasn’t easy to simply walk away. I’m absolutely certain though he struggled with it all at times. The thing with addiction is it’s all consuming. From the moment you wake, you’re thinking about pills. It can lead you to be irritable and frustrated with yourself and the person closest to you bares the brunt of it.
You mentioned she has family issues which she struggles with. That’s a huge trigger and realistically she needs a coping mechanism for that or she’ll continue to use even if you get her to stop for awhile. Codeine dulls your feelings and it’s an escape from it all.
If you could get her to go to GP and maybe talk through how she’s struggling emotionally and come up with a plan for that first? I know she probably won’t though if she’s in that much denial still.
Finally, if she’s in too deep to go cold turkey there are many replacement therapies to substitute opioids that will prevent the withdrawal effects. This gives a person time to deal with their emotional need for the drug before eventually weaning off the replacement therapy in a controlled way. She wouldn’t be like a zombie or get any high feeling from replacement therapy but it sits in your opioid receptor so withdrawal doesn’t happen.
Sorry for the long reply. I’m not really sure what you can do until she’s ready but these are options for you to try and talk to her about when she lets you. Please don’t be hard on yourself and mind your own mental health. x