Hi Liberty
I’m so sorry to hear about your financial situation, covid really did mess us all up in more ways than one. I really hope it gets better for you.
I can understand why you resent the drugs especially when because of them your sort of having to play the role of mum.
One thing I’ve noticed a few times is how you make excuses and blame yourself, don’t do that.
For example you said you did things in spite to hurt him so he did it back, Liberty we’ve all done it because this awful drug doesn’t just stay with the user it takes us all on the journey even when we don’t want to be.
You say you think he wants to end the relationship, why do you think that ? Because you said when you cut all ties he came running back.
To me and obviously I could be very wrong of course only you really know, but to me he sounds like he’s quite manipulative with you.
You just need to remember that in your relationship is 3 and that drug is the most dominant, while ever he takes it you’ll never be his priority unfortunately.
This is going to sound cruel and absolutely do not mean it to be at all but maybe him leaving the relationship would be the kindest thing he could do for you both.
You don’t deserve this no one does and I think because he’s been on it so long the chances of him stopping now is too slim. So maybe it’s time you took control and you walked away because you staying and providing him with food and what ever else well in a way your still enabling him. He knows while ever your around your going to provide the stuff he really needs which means he can spend more on it because your going to support him with other bits. He might not mean to be but in a way it sounds like he’s using you.
Life is certainly calmer now. And things have settled down he still doesn’t have his own place yet and I know that he’s avoiding it but thinks will never be what they were before. I’ll never get over the pain and chaos he caused whilst on it. I can’t forget it, it’s always there in the back of my mind, it’s apart of our lives now even now he’s not using and hasn’t had a blip,it’s still there a little voice keeps telling but don’t forget what he did. And that is the sad truth it’s in our past but still won’t let me move on. He hates even mentioning it, he’s stopped so forget it never happened but for me I can’t forget the the devastation those 15 months I knew about it caused.
Liberty no matter what I will always be here to listen to you whenever you need me to be. No matter what you decide.
But just try putting your needs first for a change. Xx