Hi Harry, welcome to the forum and thank you for being so up front and honest about your addiction. I really do hope that someone will read your story and seek support after reading it.
I am the mum of an addict ( currently in early recovery- thank God). He has cocaine and alcohol addictions. The alcohol triggers the need for cocaine.
Our lives as a family in recent years have been a horrible nightmare thanks to that evil drug.
Thankfully my son reached out for help 2 years ago, he was up to his eyes in debt, dealers breaking the door down, about to lose his job, flat, everything. We could see that he was really trying hard, by joining CA and AA meetings and going regularly, working the 12 steps with a sponsor. He’s relapsed a few times but this happens.
Harry what I’m trying to say is – it’s not too late to seek help. You can get clean again and see your children again, it takes great strength, willpower and faith to do this thing. You’ll get all this with the CA groups.
Please think about this, you sound like a nice person, you’re really worth the effort my friend.
Take care and look after yourself.
Lx