hi debbie
i hate to say this, but from what you write it sounds like your husband is a regular and long term user of cocaine, and doesn’t see any problem with it.
It also sounds like you are afraid to have any serious conversations with him about it because of the ructions it might cause.
This relationship sounds so distressing for you and so unhealthy for you both.
Maybe ive misunderstood you, in which i fully apologise if ive caused offence to you.
It’s just so not okay for your feelings to be completely crushed by this situation. It’s not fair.
Some wives are able to accept drug use in the marital situation, if that works for you then that’s fine.
We all have to set our own comfortable boundaries and that’s purely a personal decision.