Hi I completely understand the devastation you are feeling. I knew my husband had taken coke in the past. But he promised me he wouldn’t do it again. I’d found a couple of coke packets very badly hidden and confronted him and that is when he was very remorseful and said if it meant losing me he wouldn’t do it. To cut a long story short we married in August last year (both second marriages) and a week after we had married I was tidying his pyjamas off the floor and a coke packet, credit card and a note fell out the pocket. I was absolutely devastated and went into complete shock and took off my ring. He begged me to stay. The house is mine and he is badly in debt even though he earns a good salary. I don’t exactly know how much as he won’t tell me. Recently I suspected again as he had been really nasty to me, bad tempered, depressed and sleeping a lot and coming to bed late. Anyway his kids were down that weekend about a month ago and he was staying up until 4/5 in the morning with his eldest son and I found specks of coke on the shelf in downstairs loo and confronted him later that day. He denied it but eventually admitted that he had been taking it for about 4 months. I honestly think that he never stopped from the last time. This Christmas he has been staying up late again and can’t sleep. I had bought some cocaine test strips off amazon recently and when he gets up in the night for a wee he doesn’t flush the loo so in order not to wake me. In the morning without his knowledge I have been testing the urine in the loo and it is coming up very positive. I haven’t said anything to him and am at my wits end what to do. I’m telling you all this so you can try to relate. My advice would be to look after yourself and step back from the situation and just observe him and his behaviour until you can decide what you want. Cocaine addiction is a terrible and horrible thing to have to deal with. I would also recommend that you contact Alanon. Its mainly for family and friends of alcoholics but you will be able to relate that to drug addiction as any addiction is really the same. It has helped me and you can do online zoom meetings. I also attended a couple of Cocaine anonymous online meetings some of which are open to all and not just the addicts and it helped me to understand the mindset of an addict. I really hope this helps in some way but I can completely imagine what you are going through right now. Sending you hugs and support x
