Dear Naturegrrl AND Danman83
Thanks so much for your replies, it means a lot when you finally have someone who genuinely wants to listen to you, and because they are genuinely interested. So it’s also time for a little honesty too, mainly as I also feel comfortable discussing this with you two in particular, I feel like I have two people who care that I haven’t even met! I always ALWAYS looked down on people on heroin, I thought they were scummy people and I could NEVER understand why any of them would physically put a needle in their own arm and feel ok about it! (I was so naive I genuinely thought, and maybe you do too) that people on that sort of thing only took it by injecting! Anyway, after the attack, I kept smelling the men, it was a potent kind of lynx maybe smell that I thought I could even smell on my own skin! I couldn’t sleep as I said through nightmares, re living what they did to me every time I closed my eyes, as real as I can see my phone right now as well. I thought about nothing else while I was awake, there was just no escape. Then, the “wonderful “ man I met, had this pipe one night while I was in tears, he said, “smoke this, it will help you sleep “ and low and behold, he ended up opening about two of these wrap things that I smoked and he put on this pipe for me. I SLEPT AND SLEPT WITH NO NIGHTMARES! I was more happy than you can possibly imagine! So, the next night I asked for some more of “that stuff” after the third night, the next morning, I woke up and felt like MY BONES WERE BEING TWISTED AND BEING BROKEN! I cannot even begin to describe the pain and the feeling, I was sweating and shaking and he got up, put this stuff on the pipe, screaming at me to stop crying and put it in my mouth while he lit it, and, (my hairs are standing on end right now remembering this as I write it) within two of these pipes I felt the pain completely leave my body, by the time I finished the second wrap thing he put on it for me, I was ABSOLUTELY FINE!!! Which he then proceeded to inform me I was “now a heroin addict” now, you are both strangers to me, and anyone else reading this, but I take oath even on my (grown up) kids lives that what I just explained happened EXACTLY THAT WAY! I would NEVER believe that from ANYONE. I went from being a full time nurse, to a heroin addict living with a heroin addict and losing everything including all my savings within MONTHS. I’m DESPERATE to get away from him, but, every time I’ve tried to get away I’ve taken a hiding and I’m so scared. I think it’s more because he needs me to supply and earn whatever I can for him, which I have, EVERY SINGLE DAY, he has NEVER worked in 6 years. I’m literally suicidal. I keep myself spotless though, and my home, and I take oath I have NEVER stolen, I do these things to separate myself from getting too deep like I’ve seen so many girls who’ve lost respect in looking after themselves , their clothes and washing, my 24 year old and my 21 year old have disowned me because my mother who I’ve been telling you about had great joy in telling them as well as all the evil things I told you she’s put me through. I’m so desperate , but I’m now feeling there’s no way out for me, I have contemplated taking my life, I’m not an attention seeker or the sort of person who says these things, but from my point of view, I’ve had the attack, the violence with my husband who im trying to leave, my children have turned their back on me because of my evil mother , and every single day im sent out until I bring him what he needs. Im happy to tell you im now on medication called methadone which stops the pain, so I no longer take it and haven’t in three months, one week and two days. My real dad who im now in touch with has offered to get me a flat about five hours drive from where I currently live. Im so frightened of making the jump to do this, shall I be brave and go? I’ve no one left who cares if I live or die