So had Christmas and my family were here but I still suspected him so horribly I tested his urine again with cocaine strips from amazon from 23rd until today and everyone has come up positive. He is now with his sons in London as started work again and often stays up 2 days in London as commute is bad. He said to me yesterday that I seemed really quiet over last few days but that is because I don’t know how to deal with the fact that he has been taking cocaine again even though a few weeks ago he saw how much it affected me with my panic attack and shaking. He has been quite distant with me while his 3 sons have been down since Boxing Day but as soon as they left he became affectionate again and again today by text. I am so so not sure how I go from here. it’s destroying me and feel so down even though this situation has resorted to me taking antidepressants x
