Hi
I am so sorry for how you are feeling and would love just to hug you. I am going to come from a personal perspective. I met my Husband at 15, from the age of 18 to 21 he was a cocaine addict whilst I cared for my Nan (best friend) as she was dying. I saw signs, questioned, yet never pushed too far for answers, for that I am glad as at that point our relationship would have been over and we would not have our 4 beautiful children.
At the age of 39 I suddenly decided to buy cocaine for the first time, I cannot answer why to this day. I however have been truthful from the start to each and every person (including police and social services). I believe 100% in honesty, or I did! This is where I can understand your Partners view point. In me telling the truth I have been made to feel worthless, verbally and physically assaulted by my Husband and Son, had reports written by Social Services that cut me to the core as so much of it was lies. It leaves me thinking it would have been so much easier had I just not told anyone!
I obviously understand your hurt from past experience yet my advice would be to have a blunt yet peaceful conversation, men in my experience find it hard to open up and us women tend to shout alot 😉 You love him, if you did not you would not be here seeking guidance, he is on a pathway which yes is illegal, does not conform to the ‘normal’ society yet he is the man you fell in love with. All pathways will end when we have learnt what we were put on that pathway for.
I truly hope that you can work through this – my marriage a few weeks ago was what felt like over! With talking, calmness, honesty, support and hugs it is now stronger than ever. However, Christ what a year 2021 has been, I would say the worst ever yet I lost those who judged and never really knew me, gained some wonderful non judgemental friends, assisted charities and most importantly met my demons yet at the same time believed the beauty in helping humanity that lays in me. Yes us drug abusers can be loving, empathic, lawyers, graduates etc.
Give him time hunnie, until you feel that you can give no more – but at that point then please be honest with him – it may just wake him up.
Happy New Year.
Much Love Debs x