Hi,
Thanks for sharing your story and I’m so glad that you have found this forum which shows you that you are not alone in how you are feeling and shouldn’t be blaming yourself. It’s really tough that your partner’s addiction is having such a bad impact on you. If you would like any more support you might like to contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people like yourself dealing with addiction in their family. One of our experienced and trained Family Friends would be in touch if you contact us which might help you. They could listen to you and let you know what help is available for you and your partner.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck with everything.