Hi Skittles, firstly I’m so sorry your going through this. I can shake your hand and tell you I have been through the same ordeal. I was in your shoes 6 months ago. Endless nights, probably 3 or 4 out of 7, weekends on my own in our rented house staying up, exhausted tired trying to get him to go to bed, argument after argument, it was utter chaos. The days and nights that he didn’t touch coke were like heaven on earth in my mind everything was normal and these were the moments that I clung onto. However as time went on they got less and less. It took me so long to get my head around it but yes they cannot say no to more drugs when they are addicted. The drug becomes the third person in the relationship for so long until its simply them and it. I held on in this relationship for as long as I could, I didn’t want our relationship to end I pleaded with him to change, I tried many approaches to getting him help which I did but he wasted valuable professional help and lied blatantly to me about it. Numerous times I thought sure course he can change it ain’t that hard, but having read other people’s stories on the forum once I called it and we broke up, it is so true they only quit or change when they decide to themselves. It broke my heart and it still does that I had to walk away. I could do no more for him and he choose it over me in the long run. My advice is please take care of yourself, I lost myself trying to save him and I’m only steadily building myself back up. It’s far easier said than done though to walk away but it’s one big viscous cycle that will continue for as long as you let it. I’m sorry for being so straight about it. If I knew then what I know now and the months of lies, manipulation etc that goes with addiction that I went through I would have ran a mile but as they say its the ones we love most that we hurt the most. Please reach out also to family and friends it can be a very dark and lonely place trying your best to help someone and your not on your own in this. They know fine rightly what hurt they are causing but refuse to address it because they are in denial about the issue at hand and everyone and everything is the problem, but their ‘fine’ . Take care of yourself and please reach out.
