Hi Jaynie. Your story is identical to mine. I am at a loss as to what to do – I want to say to leave but like you I love him very much even though he always turns things round to be my fault and like you I feel like I am walking on eggshells and don’t want to say anything that may be antagonistic to him. He has promised me on 5 occasions within the last 4 years that I met him that he won’t do it again and the last time about 6 weeks ago he promised me again and was very remorseful. But I have go evidence that he has been using again and not stopped since then even though he saw how much it affected me as I had my first proper panic attack and went into shock. I have been having counselling and she has helped me to step back from the situation and not react straight away. I have also been going to Alanon meetings online which is a support group for families or friends of addicts and also to narcotic or cocaine anon open meetings which is also online to try to understand the mind of an addict. All these are very helpful and I would suggest you try them although it still doesn’t help that you are living with a deceitful lying addict x
