Hi Redfox,
So sorry to read your post it sounds like you are having a really tough time with your children’s dad’s addiction. If you would like some help please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family. One of our trained and experienced Family Friends would talk with you which might help you make sense of things.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.