Hi Debbie,
How was your weekend? Probably a silly question!
I just read Faithnotfears post about her husband and how he was, and she’s nailed it. I look back on the few photos I have of my husband when he was using, and the angst on his face is obvious, he didnt want to be around me, he hated me because I wanted him to stop using drugs. I felt like the enemy, I questioned myself all the time, why am I not good enough? why wont he look at what he has at home? how can he do this to his child? I pretty much turned into a single mother, but with all the shit to deal with from his moods, going out and not coming home, the lies, the cheating, my life was a miserable existence. I couldnt rely on him to do anything, I couldnt do my job properly because I couldnt ever be away from home, I couldnt even ask for his help to collect his child from school ever because I was worried he would do it high.
The reality is that the person you love is in there, but it may take a long time to get him out, and in the meantime you are existing when you should be living. You only get one life. If I knew then what I know now, I would have chosen a different path when I first knew there was a problem, but I didnt.
I love him, and I’m so thankful that he’s recovered, and is 2+ years clean, I thank my lucky stars every single day. But the memories are slow to fade.
x