Hi rikrota, welcome to the forum. There are a lot of people here who have loved ones with addictions and some people in recovery too offering support and advice.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time just now.
My son has cocaine and alcohol addictions. He is 29 but when he was a teen he partied way too hard than his friends. I didn’t realise it at the time but he was mixing drugs with alcohol.
He’s told me now he did it because it made him feel more confident.
Unfortunately he got addicted and he also has an addictive personality so he couldn’t stop when all his friends could !
I would urge you to seek help, you are so young and I would hate for you to experience what my son has been through.
Adfam has a homepage with counselling service also the Icarus trust. Is there someone you could trust or confide in?
As a parent I would want to know that my child is struggling. Please think about telling your family how you feel. They would hate to know that you have these fears and anxieties. There are coping strategies to deal with these without taking drugs or alcohol. This only makes matters worse.
Please seek help and support as soon as possible. Let us know here how you are doing.
Take care,
Lx ❤