hi red fox
i saw your post and although i know you haven’t put it up for sympathy, i still wanted to let you know that i can completely sympathise with your dire situation. how utterly heartbreaking and lonely for you.
i also wanted to send you a big hug x
i totally identify with the feelings of guilt too,. it’s not our fault but we still feel so responsible for how these addicts affect our children’s lives. it’s a cruel, cruel disease. we’re the ones left to deal with the outfall and we’re hurting too.
in terms of why they can turn their backs like this… who can ever really understand it other than to know that this drug affects their brains and pushes all other love out of their hearts. it’s not them any more, just a shell. why anyone would want to go down that road is the million dollar question. but not many addicts set out to become addicted. they slip into it. and once it’s in, it disrupts their normal thinking completely. what a tragedy to throw away your own life in such a way.
my husband is almost 11 months clean and when he was in active addiction i had no idea he was using drugs, just that somehow the man i loved since 2003 had become heartless and cold and cruel. he was using for just under 2.5 years before it caught up with him, but he wanted out. still though he didn’t do jack **** to get out. he was paralysed in the horrible circle of using. thank god he got caught and the ca threw him a lifeline! he still can’t really explain it all though and feels huge guilt and shame.
i hope you have a good support circle at home. i have 4 kids too and it’s hard enough without contending with all this emotional hardship.
xx