Hi JoPack,
Welcome. To be honest with you, he may have a coke problem, but it sounds to me like the physical attributes you mention are more like that of an alcohol problem.
Cocaine can make people make really poor life choices, and act like total a–holes, but I’ve not heard of any of the physical symptoms you mention.
I’m so sorry any of this is happening to you. You made a mistake, owned up and both decided to stay together. Which means he should have worked past that. But it sounds like he possibly hasnt?
If he is on coke, then getting through to him and making him see what you are saying will fall on deaf ears. He may be too ashamed to admit anything to you, so he’s running away, but it sounds like she may be like him, in which case they migrate to people who have made the same choices as them, to escape reality.
I hope you stay strong, and maybe take a step back for your own sanity xx